Remember when you were just a small nose-picking clueless kid, that feared interaction with the opposite sex? Do you remember why were you afraid of them? Cooties, that’s why! So cooties is a fictitious disease that kids made up in order to justify their reasoning for avoiding one another. Well, Cary Murnion and Jonathan Milott directed a comedy horror film about a zombified version of cooties. The film is aptly titled “Cooties”, and like the referenced cooties sickness, you should avoid this film.
“Cooties” is about a contaminated chicken nugget that makes its way into elementary school cafeteria lunches. One unfortunate student eats said nugget and contracts cooties.
She eventually becomes a cooties ridden zombie that attacks other children, spreading the cooties. The teachers of this school must then survive and defend themselves from their flesh hungry students.
This pretty much sums up the plot, seems familiar right? One of the shortcomings of “Cooties” is the derivative plot. The scenario of unlucky protagonists smack in the middle of a zombie apocalypse; having to defend themselves in order to survive.
This is a set-up that has been done many times before “Dawn of the Dead”, “Return of the Living Dead”, and “From Dusk Till Dawn” (if zombies were instead vampires). Don’t expect anything new here as far as plot. More importantly, don’t expect this plot to be interesting. This is certainly not a horror film. So what about the comedy-side of “Cooties”, is this film funny? Despite a relatively strong cast of actors and actresses, “Cooties” fails to deliver the comedy. I blame the lackluster writing and “follow the template” directing. Don’t get me wrong, the scenario of adults fighting off cooties-infected zombie kids is certainly comically ridiculous. However, that is about as far as the comedy goes; ridiculous humor, meh. The best joke, a meta-joke, comes at the expense of Elijah Wood’s involvement with “The Lord of the Rings”. Don’t expect a horror comedy that delivers hilarious character dialog like “Shaun of the Dead”, or, well-executed slapstick comedy like “Evil Dead II”. As far as comedy goes, “Cooties” is an excellent example of a ridiculous idea appearing funny on paper, but awfully boring in execution. I may sound a bit extreme with my criticisms of “Cooties”, but it is difficult to provide a single compelling reason to watch this film. In a time where we have the ability to instantly stream films from the start of the medium through to contemporary works, why should we waste our precious time watching something mediocre? If you need to get your horror comedy fix, there are better films out there to experience. So no, “Cooties” is not worth your time or my recommendation. Instead, why don’t you watch “Drag me to Hell”, “Housebound”, or “Dead Alive”.
– JUSTe Jonny